Ah, the stealing student. It’s so tough. The kid takes everything. From exciting things like toys and manipulatives to “weird stuff” like broken pencils and random office supplies. What do you even do?
In the ED/BD world we see this a lot. It’s an unfortunate problem because it’s one that cannot be ignored. In the “real world” (isn’t school the real world too? I’ve never really understood that phrase, and here I am using it!), you get fined or arrested for this. It’s a behavior that needs to stop now. Here are 5 suggestions to help deal with the kiddo taking stuff.
1.) Talk to them.
It’s awkward. “Hey, you keep taking stuff…” How do you even start this conversation? Talking to the student, in private, is essential. Maybe another staff member like a counselor or social worker is helpful as well. Let them know, point blank, that you are aware that they are taking items in the classroom. Ask them, “Why?” Sometimes kids KNOW why they take things. Many children who are stealing have experienced homelessness and do not have many items to call there own, while others have lost many people/important things in their life and don’t have a sense of object permanence. Talk with them.
2.) Set healthy boundaries.
When you see a child touching an item or attempting to take it – immediately stop them. Try something like, “Hey Kate, I see that you’re looking at the marker set. If you want to see them, just ask me.” Make sure you set a time so the child can experience the item they’re looking at. Setting this boundary but not keeping the items off limits can help!
3.) Label their belongings.
Many classrooms have the “community supplies” situation going on. That may not work for this student. Allow them to have their things in a pencil box at their desk. Label their belongings with their name. Let them know that these items are THEIRS. Helping students become more conscious and self-aware that this is a strategy that can help them is truly a gift that you can keep building on.
4.) Set the tone with their family.
Be sure to communicate this with their family in a way that shows concern, but compassion. Stealing feels really threatening to teachers, it has to me! The kids are taking your stuff and probably creating problems in your classroom because of it. We need to remember that there is an underlying cause to the stealing. Sometimes it’s easy to discover, sometimes it’s not. Often, families will come down harsh on children who steal. Shaming the child during this tough season is NOT going to make the behavior go away. Though we can’t control the reactions of families, we can set the tone in a meeting or with a phone call. Offer suggestions on how to approach the topic. If the child feels very ashamed and upset by this confrontation, it’s going to make it harder to get to the underlying issue of why the behavior is happening.
5.) Allow for special time for you and them.
Sometimes this can get really tough, and awkward, and tense. Make sure you have time with the student to allow them to feel and experience that your relationship isn’t completely damaged because of their behavior. Again, you’ll never make progress if the child feels like they have ruined their relationship with their teacher! Maybe a lunch together, time after school to look at some materials they may have been “eying” in class, whatever works for you!
6.) A Bonus! Explicit SEL lessons on emotional literacy and coping skills.
Explicit lessons that focus on social emotional learning topics like emotional literacy and coping skills can’t hurt. If the function of stealing isn’t as straight forward, helping students understand themselves and their emotions better may help. I like using Tier 1 strategies as a starting point, and using activities like these emotion flip books as additional supports for coping skills and identifying emotions. Building in classroom experiences with the Mood Meter can also be powerful!
Stealing happens. Be proactive!
I’ve been in this boat, not knowing what the best course of action is with this behavior. While I can’t solve your student’s challenges, hopefully my suggestions help get your wheels turning on how to address this in your classroom. Have you ever experienced this with a student? Comment below!!
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