I’ve been there. You’ve planned, implemented, and adjusted behavior strategies over and over again, yet nothing seems to stick. The student is still struggling, challenging behaviors might be at a peak, and despite your best efforts—along with your school team’s input—there seems to be no clear solution. When you’re at this point, it’s easy, and normal, to feel discouraged, frustrated, and even a little helpless. But here’s the thing: you’re not alone in this. You’re part of a team of compassionate educators who are equally committed to the success of every child in your care.
So, what do you do when it feels like nothing is working? How can you continue to push forward when it feels like you’ve exhausted all your options? Let’s walk through this together—because the truth is, supporting a child with challenging behaviors CANNOT BE a solo mission. It’s a team effort, and we’re in this together.
First, Take a Step Back: Reflect as a Team
When we’re dealing with challenging behavior, it’s easy to get caught up in the daily hustle of managing incidents. But sometimes, the best thing you can do is pause and take a step back. Gather your team—whether that’s your grade-level colleagues, the special education staff, or school administrators—and reflect on what you’ve tried. This reflection isn’t about finding fault or pointing fingers; it’s about taking a collective breath to gain perspective.
Ask yourself:
– What have we tried consistently?
– What has worked, even in small ways?
– What do we know about this student beyond their behavior?
This reflection time allows your team to reset and refocus. It also gives you the opportunity to check in with one another and ensure everyone is on the same page. Sometimes, the behavior might feel more overwhelming because of communication gaps between team members. Clarifying the strategies in place and revisiting the student’s progress can often lead to new insights or missed opportunities for connection.
Keep Learning
There are always unique strategies, studies to read, and other classrooms to observe and learn from. Work with your administration to see if there are learning opportunities that your team members can dive into! Maybe you do a book study together using some of these titles, or maybe you take a peek and some new and fresh behavioral strategies that you haven’t tried yet.
Check out this behavioral strategies manual, it has some fresh takes on challenging behaviors, along with the research to guide them. You never know what you might find that works!
Maybe your paraprofessionals are looking for more resources and support. Try creating a cohort or training time to give them some of that support! When working with kids exhibiting challenging behaviors, we often really feel isolated and on an island. Creating learning opportunities can both build your professional toolbox and help you feel more connected to your colleagues and the important work ahead.
Know That It’s Okay to Not Have All the Answers
As teachers, we often feel the weight of responsibility when a student is struggling. We want to find the solution, fix the issue, and see the child succeed. But when nothing seems to be working, it’s important to remember that *it’s okay not to have all the answers*. Behavior is complex, and each child comes with their own unique experiences, challenges, and needs. Sometimes, what we’re seeing is just the tip of the iceberg, and the underlying issues may be deeper than we realize.
This is where empathy—both for the student and for yourself—becomes essential. Take a moment to acknowledge how hard you and your team have been working. You’ve been doing your best, and that effort matters. It’s easy to focus solely on the outcomes, but the process is just as important. You and your team are planting seeds that may not bloom immediately, but trust that your work is making an impact, even if it’s not visible yet.
Revisit the Student’s Story
When challenging behaviors become unmanageable, it’s often helpful to go back to the basics: the student’s story. What do you know about this child’s life outside of school? What are their strengths, interests, and fears? Behavior is communication, and sometimes, in the whirlwind of interventions and strategies, we lose sight of the student as a whole person.
Take time as a team to revisit the child’s background and experiences. Has something changed in their home environment? Have they experienced trauma or loss? Are they struggling with a mental health concern that hasn’t been fully addressed? These questions can help you and your team see the child in a new light and understand the context behind the behavior.
This process also reminds us that the student’s behavior isn’t a reflection of their character or potential. It’s a symptom of something deeper, and our job is to keep peeling back the layers until we understand what’s truly going on.
Consider New Perspectives: Collaboration Beyond Your Core Team
When you feel like nothing is working, it might be time to expand the circle. Collaborating with specialists who bring fresh perspectives can make a huge difference. Behavioral specialists, school counselors, social workers, or psychologists can provide valuable insights into the student’s behavior that may not be immediately obvious.
Sometimes, we need someone from outside our daily classroom environment to offer a new lens. They might notice patterns or triggers within these challenging behaviors that are hard to see when you’re in the thick of managing the classroom. Additionally, they can help the student access support systems beyond what’s available within the classroom—such as therapy, medical teams, family support, or community programs—that can address the root cause of the behavior.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help or bring in external voices. Working with a broader team doesn’t mean you’ve failed; it means you’re being thoughtful and thorough in your approach to support the child.
Adjust Your Timeline: Progress Takes Time
When we work with students who have challenging behaviors, it’s easy to feel pressure to find a solution quickly. But behavior change takes time, especially when a student is dealing with complex emotional, mental, or social issues. Adjusting your expectations and timeline can help alleviate some of the pressure you may be feeling.
Progress might look different than what you expect. Maybe the student isn’t stopping the behavior completely, but they’re having fewer outbursts or their recovery time after an incident is quicker. Celebrate those small victories. They are important milestones on the way to bigger changes.
As a team, talk about how you can support each other during the long haul. Behavior management isn’t a sprint; it’s a marathon. Encouraging one another to be patient and acknowledging each other’s efforts can keep morale high as you continue working toward solutions.
Keep Communication Open
Families & caregivers are a crucial part of the puzzle when it comes to addressing challenging behaviors. Open, honest, and compassionate communication with the student’s home can provide valuable insights and create a stronger support system for the child. Share the strategies you’re using in the classroom and ask what they’re seeing at home. Together, you might uncover new information that could lead to a breakthrough. I know that challenging behaviors at school can more often than not cause a rift between home and school. It’s hard! We all love the kid, especially their caregivers, and when it feels (and is) personal, emotions can really get big.
Approaching this as partners and ensuring that communication is both supportive and non-judgmental can make all the difference. They’re likely feeling just as frustrated and unsure as you are, and working together can ease the burden on everyone involved.
Never Give Up
It’s normal to feel like you’ve tried everything and nothing is working. But as a team of educators, you are resourceful, dedicated, and capable. You may not have the solution right now, but that doesn’t mean the solution doesn’t exist. By staying committed to the student, collaborating with your team, and maintaining hope, you’re showing that child they are worth fighting for.
In those moments of frustration and exhaustion, lean on your team. Share your thoughts, listen to theirs, and remind each other that together, you can (and are already!) make a difference. Even when it feels like nothing is working, you’re building trust, connection, and resilience—not only in the student but in yourselves as educators. That is NO small feat.
So, when you feel like you’ve tried everything, know this: you’re not alone. We’re all in this together, and with time, compassion, and teamwork, you’ll find the path forward. Never give up. The breakthrough may be closer than you think.
